Like Letter

I have never written a love letter before. In all the movies it seems like a right of passage as a child in middle school- sending a corny misspelled letter with boxes for yes and no underneath the words “I love you. Will you go out with me?”

It always seems a love letter is written at the beginning of a relationship or as a confession, so I never understood why it is called a love letter. So here goes my confession or ‘like letter’ to the one I am pining for. I am not quite sure if there is a specific person I am crushing on at the moment but I figure if I write this now it will be ready when I actually need to use it; plus, I want to fulfill a childhood right of passage, seeing as I did not actually fulfill it as a child.

Dear you,

I am no good at this sappy relationship head over heels honesty type thing. All I know is I seem to feel something for you, more than the other people in my life. I think of things to say to you just so I have a reason to talk to you. You make me feel real, like I can be exactly who I am. Sometimes it feels like I walk around being who I think I am supposed to be for everyone else. I like you. You are real with me and I can be real with you. I think about you when I am board and wonder what you are doing, but I do not ask because I do not want to sound too crazy, even though you already know I am not exactly what most people call normal. So here it goes- do you like me like I like you? It is okay say no, but it would be great if you said yes.

Feelings are hard to admit, especially when they are geared towards a certain person. I can barely write my own feelings in my own journal, let alone feelings about another person to that other person. If a letter like this is ever sent by me that will be the day I grab the courage to say screw what anyone thinks. However, the whole point of a letter like this is to say I care what you think to that one special person, so is that not a bit counter intuitive?

Have there been people that I wanted to send this letter too; maybe one or two. Are there people I want to send this letter to now; maybe one or two. That is not the point. Am I thinking too much? Truth is, I have had a first kiss, and I have had a second kiss. I remember who they were with and where they were but beyond that nothing. I see this as a gift because now I will be kissing someone because I truly want to feel their lips on mine or I will be kissing them because I chose too, not because I felt like I had to or I felt like it was what everyone else was doing. Maybe I have such a hard time sending this letter to someone not because I fear rejection, but because I fear whoever I might be sending this to may know my secret…. I have no idea what I am doing. (and because I fear rejection).