Leaping

I have a secret that probably is not much of a secret. For me it is hard to admit and hard to say, so to me it seems like a secret. I passively try to reveal this secret. I have attempted to be upfront and ended up passively sliding by it. I feel like a teenager. I feel different. I feel like I never have felt before. I feel like I really have no idea what I feel but I know I feel good, I know I like it. This is me trying not to be passive and being upfront about how I feel. This is me doing something I never do. This is me not caring how stupid or corny I sound.

I am taking a leap because for some crazy reason you make me feel confident that I can. So here it goes.

You inspire me to write. You encourage me to write things that may be a little out of my comfort zone. I wait for your blogs and I check for your posts an embarrassing amount. You are someone I never get tired of talking to.

You make me want to take my phone everywhere I go, even though I never used to care about bringing my phone. I bring my phone just so I can text you when something reminds me of you. Almost everything reminds me of you and that scares me. It scares me in a good way. I like the way I feel when I am with you.

I am my complete and real self in front of you and I like that. You make me feel free to express exactly what I feel even though usually I never can.

I feel like a teenager with her first crush. Although you are not my first crush, you are the most intense crush I have ever had. You are the first one that I wanted to be more than a crush. It has taken me so many passive blog posts and Tumblr reblogs to get to the point where I can even write this let alone actually post this.

I like the way you make me feel. You make me want to stay in bed all day even thought I am usually a morning person.

You make me feel like I can do anything in public even if it makes me look crazy. You make me want to put my arms around you, even in public, even though I never used to be comfortable with public displays of affection.

You make me realize I may not want an open relationship. You make me feel like a real relationship might be worth it.

You are my roommate and you are one of my best friends and I do not want to rush anything or make anything awkward but I like the way things are going. I like kissing you.

I am saying this because life can end at any time. As cliché as that may sound it is true and I want you to know that I like you and even though there are sometimes bad outcomes to situations, maybe the outcome can actually be great. Maybe the good outweighs the bad this time. Maybe we need to see what will happen and put it all out on the line because the negative outcomes in our heads may be overshadowing the outcomes that might be better than we can imagine. So here it is, my attempt at talking about my feelings.  I hope it is not too much.